Doctor, Doctor, Gimmie the News!

After wondering if everything was healing as it should.  Wondering if the pain and swelling was normal.  Wondering if I should be walking without a cane.  Wondering if I was ever going to be normal again.  I went to see the surgeon who put me back together.

And it turns out everything's hunky dory.  Insert big sigh of relief here.  They (the medical profession) could really save folks some worry if they'd just let you know what to expect.  He says I'm ahead of the curve and all is proceeding according to schedule, and for me to relax and not get in a big rush.  Doing more will not make it heal any faster.  But damn I ready to be done with this!

Some things I've learned:

Every time you lean a cane or crutch up against something it will fall down.
A muscle relaxer and a glass of wine will make you sleep like a baby.
It takes twice as many trips from the kitchen to set the table if you only have one hand.
Some people want to hear all the details of the crash, others it just freaks out.
You can only watch so much TV.
I am just starting to miss doing yard work.
I can resist the urge to bonk people with my cane who say "maybe now you'll grow up".
There are a lot of folks with much larger issues than I have.
Bad stuff just happens, I know that's scary, but it just does.
Physical Therapy will hurt that night and into the next day.
I would be a complete wreck without The Lovely Wife to take care of me.

And that's just the surface.  I won't go into all the kumba ya stuff.

What I Miss:

A day with no pain.

Walking without an aid.

Running

Yard work

A good nights sleep.

My gym work outs.

Being able to go where I want.

And last but not least RIDING MY BIKE!

For Right Now

Anyhoo, I am making progress.  It's just going very slow.  People tell me "it's only a blip, you won't remember this in 5 years".  I just don't know about that.  The Doc says 5 months until I'm basically pain free.  A year to get my fitness back.  I had hoped to be able to race the Georgia XC Series in March, but now, I'm just not so sure.  I do know that my dream of being able to race CX in my 80's is starting to look dimmer.

I can ride the trainer for over an hour, getting my HR into zone 5 sometimes.  I still have issues with sitting in the saddle that long but hey, I had that problem before I got hurt.  I have started to look longingly at my CX bike while riding the trainer and dreaming of long clay road rides.  I suppose I should start out riding on the road though.  It would be smoother and I will be used to the road bike by the time I can get it off the trainer.  We'll see.

I Can See The Light

It's around a long bend, and it's just a spot, but I can see it, maybe.

It's been a little over a month now since I took my little tumble.  I can put on my socks and sort of sleep on my side.  I can make a full pedal stroke on the trainer at PT and was even able to spend 10 minutes with resistance spinning.  Damn it felt good.  I managed to get into the bottom of zone 2 with my heart rate.  Happy day!

I'm down to one crutch and my PT tells me I should be off it part time by Tuesday.  For some reason that scares me.  I'm a wuss when it comes to pain.  Speaking of pain, I've severely cut back on my pain meds.  I'm on an as needed basis.  And yes, sometimes I still need.

I managed to crawl on the road bike on the trainer Friday.  It wasn't pretty but I got on.  I did 15 minuets, no it wasn't that much time, but it was all my butt could stand.  I got up to 20 Sunday and am planning on increasing it 5 minutes per day until I reach a time I just can't stand it any longer.

It's amazing how much muscle I've lost in a month.  How hard these little exercises are to do.  My mind still thinks I can do what I used to, but my body lets me know pretty quick how limited I am.  I hope I'm pushing hard enough.

It's weird when you're stuck at the house, the weekends aren't such a big deal.  Fortunately it's college football season so there's something different on TV.  I know, that's kinda sad when watching football is something to look forward to.

But Wait

So some time has passed since I wrote the stuff above.  I'm still on a crutch.  I can ride my trainer for 45 minutes but I can't walk more than 10 feet without an aid.  I can feel frustration setting in.  I mean it's been 5 weeks.  I'm losing confidence in my PT.  Maybe it's an old guy thing but I wish he had more experience with rehabbing older cyclists.  When I tell him what I used to do and what I expect to do he just looks at me funny.  I want to be able to do what I did 2 months ago.  And I don't want to wait 2 years to get there.

Am I being unreasonable?  Maybe PT isn't that important?  Should I accept the fact that this injury represents a large nonrecoverable step down?  I don't think that's realistic.

And Another Week

I have a very cool cane now.  It's made a difference in my confidence getting around.  I'm up to an hour on the trainer but I'm losing interest in my prescribed exercises.   Not only does my injured leg/hip bother me but because of my weird walk with the cane and the crutch my back and neck stay aggravated.  I've also become more narcissistic (if that's possible).

No pain meds for a few days now.  I hope that's behind me.  I'm doing things now I didn't take time for when I was healthy, trying to be a "glass half full" kind of person instead of focusing on all the stuff I can't do.

The improvements are so small, and they seem to come so slowly.  But they are there.  Cycling is not my life but I do like to ride a bike.  Starting out as a raw beginner again is both humbling and terrifying.  Right now I just want to be able to start.