Outside

The waiting room had surgical masks and hand sanitizer at little stands placed all around the room. Even though it was a Saturday evening in a big city it wasn't crowded. I tried not to touch anything, going so far as to not even sit down until I realized I would be there awhile. Outside the wind blew hard, it was cold and getting colder. I looked longingly out the window wishing I was anywhere but here.

Hospitals are a scary place. I've only really needed one myself once when I got stung by yellow jackets. I've been lucky so far. Unfortunately as you get older you tend to spend more time in contact with them. Friends and family members have issues that require you to visit or take them to one. I use every rationalization I can think of to stay away. I am so weak and self centered. Damn I wish I was outside right now. See, it's all about me.

As the time passed it became clear that the issue we were there for would not be cured that night so we left. As the door hissed open I took a deep breath. Finally outside. I felt guilty leaving, even though she had told me to go, she'd be alright, she needed to rest anyway. I looked back at the tall white building as the wind screamed around it. Just so damn glad I was headed home.

Back at our house I made a fire in the fire place and fixed myself a Jack and Coke, a double. I took a shower so hot it made my skin tingle. I just wanted to wash the day off.

Is this how it will end for some of us? Staring up at fluorescent lights in a strange place. Breathing that disinfected air. God I hope not, just wheel me out in the parking lot. Outside!