This Will Only Sting A Little

I want to warn you about a most vile creature that lurks in the woods of South Georgia and North Florida.  It has a mean bite, venom, plus it can fly faster than you (or I apparently) can run, will attack in waves of hundreds, and will not give up until you kill them, or they kill you.

Yellow Jackets

Yep, that's them, little bastards!  I've worked in the woods for 30 years and I'd rather see rattle snakes than these little demons from hell. And that's a good description!  After all, they come out of the ground like a ghost, quiet, waiting till the group assembles on a poor unsuspecting soul, who's only sin was just walking too close to their nest.  Then, they attack!

Minding My Own Business

I was just walking the woods, checking behind one of our logging crews, looking up at the tops of the remaining trees to make sure they had cut the weakest ones.  Minding my own business, thinking about how good the forest looked on this gray cool morning.  When I feel the first sting.  Right under my nose, I knew immediately what it was, so I took off running.

The Viscous Attack

And oh did I run.  Swinging my arms trying to dislodge them from my shirt I burst out onto the two track road that runs back to the area where the trees are being loaded onto the trucks.  I sprinted toward the loading deck, thinking that if I could make it to my truck I might be safe.  I didn't think about the fact that I was covered in the yellow messengers of death.  What would I have done when I jumped into my truck?

I stopped and looked down at my pants, they were covered in them.  Shit!  I took off at a sprint, that's when the operator of the loader hollered "What the hell you running for, oh shit there's yellow jackets behind you, RUN!" (he has a keen sense of the obvious).  About that time the older black gentleman yelled "Come over by da fire, we'll smoke'm off!"  I was in full panic mode by now, I'd never had them pursue me this far from the nest.  I headed for the fire.

I Wish I'd Had A Camera

So as I ran around and around the fire the guy took off his jacket and beat me with it as I came by. The devils spawn never touched him, they kept after me.  I tore at my shirt thinking if I could get it off maybe they'd stay with it but I couldn't stop to get the buttons undone.  All the while this guy wailed on me with his jacket.  I heard him say "I ain't tryin to be weird but theys crawlin down the back of your pants".  Oh, that's all I needed.  By this time, between the smoke and the jacket ass whip-pin, we had gotten most of them off.

Headed For The Truck

I thanked the crew profusely and sprinted for my truck.  I did think I heard some chuckling as I ran away.  I went home and gobbled some Benadryle (sp?), then headed to the emergency room just to make sure I didn't go into shock.  The TMH emergency room is a story by itself that I won't go into here. Suffice to say they were efficient and I had no reaction to the 13 stings I received.

Thinking Back

When I was retelling the event I got to thinking how funny it must have looked to that logging crew to see this old gray haired dude running up to them waving his arms and trying to pull his shirt off. Then me running around and around the fire while this guy pummels me with his smoky, grease stained jacket every time I went by.  It would have been a YouTube sensation.

Not exactly like this but it felt like it at the time