Searching For My Lost Shaker of Salt

I took a week off with The Lovely Wife for spring break.  We usually head for the Smokies during these vacations but this year she was reluctant to go.  Something about the fact that she didn't want to have to listen to me bitch and complain about not being able to hike and bike.  She was right (as usual).  I'm not much of a sit on the porch or drive around in the car kind of guy.  I would have been miserable in my current condition.

So, we had a staycation.  I caught up on 6 months worth of yard work I haven't been able to do, was able to go riding most days (it's amazing how many people can get time off to ride in the middle of a work week), and we ate out someplace different every night.  I made it my priority to sample a Margarita at every place we patronized.  If this is what retirement looks like I'm in trouble.

Let Me Tell You About My Leg

Funny, people will ask me how I'm doing and when I begin to tell them I can watch their eyes glaze over.  I get it.  Now when they ask I just say "fine, getting better".  They look relieved.

I still dream about running.  If I can get to point where I can run again I'm going to be like Forest Gump.

No Race?

I bailed on the first race of the GSC mountain bike series.  My fitness is okay, I can surely do 13 miles, I wouldn't win but I don't think I'd be embarrassed.  No, it's in my head.  I still haven't fallen off the bike since the Big Crash.  Even though I rarely fell in races, my fear level is so high I don't think I'd be able to enjoy it.  If it was just me out there it'd be no problem, but add other riders to the mix and I get very nervous.  I hate it because it's like admitting defeat, I had this date set for me to be fully recovered and I'm not there.

Havana Hills

Anyhoo, Silk, Lil Ball and I went for a road ride last Sunday.  It was an Instagram day.  Blue sky's, green trees, and crazy people in the road.  I knew something funny was up when a pickup slowed down to yell "watch out, there's a crazy man in the road up ahead".  

We looked at each other like "what the hell?"  We'd peek over the top of every hill.  Then a motorcycle stopped and said "ya'll watch out, there's a crazy man in the road up there, we called the law, be careful".

When we got to a spot where I thought we could bypass Mr. Crazy we took it.  Lil Ball seemed disappointed but agreed it was the prudent thing to do.  Silk pulled over to take a nature break while Lil Ball and I rolled slowly.  Suddenly at the bottom of the next hill there stood a man in the road. We both put on the brakes, looked at each other, and watched the man.......... go get his mail.  Danger averted we finished the ride.  Beer and sandwiches followed on the veranda of Oscars in Beautiful Downtown Havana.  That is how every ride should end.

Sometimes I Feel It's A Shame

When I get feeling better when I'm feeling no pain.

Sundown, get it?

I'm almost back motor wise.  I still have pain while pedaling standing up.  I figure I'm down about 10% in my right leg.  The improvements seem to be coming at a better pace now.  Walking is still with a limp and I lack a lot of mobility, but every once in a while I forget which leg is injured.  I am getting tired of hurting though.

Head Games

Ahhh but my "self preservation" mechanism is still in high gear.  I am terrified of falling.  At least most of the time.  I will bail on the simplest of trail roots, sections I used to not even worry about, that I must have ridden 100 times, I still avoid.  Wuss.

But, this past week, on two separate rides, I forgot about falling and just rode the bike.  It was an amazing feeling, something that we all take for granted most of the time.  I don't mean to say I was being reckless or taking any big chances, but I also wasn't worried.  It's kinda hard to explain unless you've experienced it.  

Dirty Pecan

This was to be my first test to see if I was capable of riding 60 miles.  Plus there would be some group riding involved which I don't much care for right now.  

Me looking awesome

Anyhoo, I rolled out with the group but drifted toward the back before we hit the first clay section.  I figured it would be wet and didn't want to get involved in any theatrics.  It was a good call because the road was both slick and soft, with car ruts in some sections, and I was able to do what made me comfortable.  I settled into a nice pace and quickly began catching stragglers.

As I came to an intersection Ape Bike was stopped there, debating whether or not to continue on due to the soft road conditions.  Wuss.  I avoided calling him names (at least not then) and proceeded to ride with his group after they had decided to continue on the route.

Ape Bike, looking angry

The rest of the ride was rather enjoyable.  I was able to finish without much difficulty and still be able to walk.

We all hit the Mexican restaurant afterwards for adult beverages and brown food.  Much jocularity ensued and Big Worm learned not to leave his phone unattended.  

The Kid was home for the weekend and rode the event.  However I only saw him at the start and again at the finish.  He has no respect for his crippled old man.  When I finally rolled in he said "Hey Dad, you look pro."  Or maybe it was "slow".  Either way, it was a great day. 

Every Time That I Look In The Mirror

All these lines in my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dust to dawn
Isn't that the way

That song came out when I was in high school.  It has followed me since.  All the while getting more and more relevant.

So tomorrow I turn 60.  Wow, that's hard for me to believe.  Before my recent issues I would have told you that I feel like I did when I was 30.  That's not quite the case anymore.  Oh I certainly don't feel like I'm 60 but I will admit this past 5 months has aged me.

Anyhoo, my leg is getting better.  According to my doctor just 10 years ago I would have been in much more trouble.  The procedure they did on me was perfected on soldiers with battlefield injuries so it's relatively new.  I have all kinds of rods and screws in my hip and above my knee.  It seems I am ahead of schedule when it comes to my recovery, even though it seems slow to me.  I am very fortunate to have had good care.  Say what you want about the cost of our medical system but they can do some amazing things.

Riding

My riding is still not where I'd like it to be.  Standing out of the saddle causes me enough pain that I only want to make about 10 pedal strokes before I sit down again.  I am enjoying it though, not the pain, but just the ride.  I often use this analogy; I feel like I'm standing in front of a display case full of donuts.  In the past I used to be able to eat all the donuts I wanted.  Now however, after eating just a couple, I can't eat anymore. That's how riding is going.  I think I can still do all these 4 hours rides but the reality is more like one 3 hour.  And even that is at a conservative pace.

Speaking of donuts, my body composition has definitely changed during the past 5 months.  Things jiggle and there's bulges where there weren't before.  When you can't use the larger muscles in your legs to their max it becomes hard to burn off the calories.  Then there's that whole donut thing.  I can't seem to resist those sweet goodies.

The Kid

The Kid hasn't been home but once since Christmas.  We did make a trip to Gainesville to watch the UF cycling road race and crit so we got to see him there.  Still, we are getting used to not having him in the house.  This empty nest thing is getting to be the norm.

The Kid warming up before the crit.

Tomorrow

I think I'll take the day off.  Maybe go for a ride, drink a beer at lunch, then do some yard work. 

After all, it's not every day you get to turn 60.

Time Has Come Today

4 months since "Hip Day".  It both seems like a long time and a short time.  It sure wasn't a good time. But it hasn't all been bad.  An injury like this certainly forces you to focus on the immediate future and take things in smaller blocks.  It also makes you realize how much you miss the simple things we all take for granted.  Running, how much fun it would be to just be able to trot after the dog in the evening.  Getting through one day without thinking or talking about the injury (I'm sure The Lovely Wife would agree with this one).  Not measuring your steps.  Being able to go and do what you want is such an incredible gift.

Clay Ride

My first time on the CX bike since Hip Day.  I was terrified.  Every little root or rut made me pucker. As long as we were on a road of some type I was ok, but as soon as we got into anything resembling single track I almost stopped breathing.  Anything down hill made me ride the brakes.  We did another clay ride this past weekend and I felt better.  Still sketchy on the down hills and around other riders but I had a better time.

I had my usual spot in the back of the group last Sunday as we rolled out from Bradley's when this gray haired gentleman came back and rode up beside me.

"That bike looks new" he says.
"It's a little over a year old" I replied.  "I've been off it for a few months".
"How old are you?" he asks.
"Almost 60" I tell him.
"Ha!" he says, "I'm the oldest on this ride, I'm 64!"

Us old guys are like dogs when it comes to staking out the "oldest guy on the ride" trophy.  It isn't often I don't win the prize.  I guess I should be insulted that he thought I might be older than him.  I forget how I look.

The Woods

I've really been enjoying Munson lately.  It's easy, doesn't scare me, and it's pretty out there this time of year.  It just feels really good to get out in the woods.

I Was So Much Older Then, I'm Younger Than That Now

Three months and a week since I broke the hip.  I can finally walk (if you could call it walking) without the cane for sort periods.  I can MTB two days in a row without searing pain.  I am making progress.

My PT had me start doing one leg exercises last week which showed me just how weak my injured hip still is.  It's amazing how the body compensates.  He put the leg lift on 5 pounds and told me to lift it with just my injured leg.  I figured that would be no trouble, but it was.  Things get weak pretty fast at 59.  I only have one more PT visit then I graduate.  It was well worth the time, pain, and money.

On the MTB I have suffered through the mandatory "getting dropped" on group rides.  Nobody has much mercy on me except The Kid and Dr. Sworks.  I don't care, I'm just happy to be out riding my bike.  Well, maybe I care just a little bit.

The Kid

Speaking of The Kid, it's funny how our roles are now reversed.  He stops and waits on me, and looks back whenever he thinks he's dropping me.  Kinda like I used to do for him until he got all cat 3 on me.

He just got back from CX Nationals in Asheville N. C. where he raced with Team Florida Cycling.  It rained right before his race.  I don't think he's ever ridden in mud on the side of a hill.  He seemed a little bummed at his results (61 out of 80) but perked up as the weekend progressed.  When I talked to him after he got back he said he wished he was still up there.  I know that feeling, don't you?

The team after finishing 8th in the relay

The Next Page

Anyhoo, I hope I have learned something going through this injury.  This has been the first real challenge I've had to face (physically at least).  I can't say I've enjoyed it.  It has taught me to take things in smaller doses.  I keep reminding myself to enjoy what I get to do now.  When I get back to training (and I am looking forward to that) I will need to keep the memory of what it is like not to be able to train.

I know it's a classic joke about old people breaking a hip.  I don't want to do it again but you can't live life like that, at least I can't.  So many people are shocked that I even got back on a bike.  Life's too short to be afraid.  Of course that doesn't mean I'm not scared when I'm riding but that feeling gets less and less every time I throw a leg over.

So here's to another start of my cycling hobby.  May it go on as long as I want it to.

It's A Good Feeling To Know

That I can still ride a bike.  I don't walk so good yet, but I can ride.

To The Coast

As we rolled out on the St. Marks Trail on my first ride back since the crash, I noticed the road bike had a bad wobble.  "Crap" I thought "I must have messed something up using it on the trainer".  Then I realized it just me; shaking.  I was so nervous.  It took all I had just to clip in and roll out.  After a few miles I finally settled down and was able to enjoy the ride.  32 miles isn't far and my legs held up fine but I found out my seat wasn't as well conditioned.

The only scare was the pack of kids riding toward us about 5 miles in.  I just stopped because I didn't want to risk having to unclip quickly.  As I sat there on the edge of the bike path one of them just rolled over and ran into my front wheel.  I resisted the urge to teach him and his "ride leader" a new vocabulary and only said "really?"

I was so happy to get that first ride out of the way.  Life was starting to seem too normal after 9 weeks of being off the bike.  

The next day we went to Gainesville to watch The Kid race CX State Champs.  I thought I would get a big urge to race but that wasn't the case.  This time I was content to just be a spectator.  For a state champs race attendance seemed low to me, I'm afraid CX isn't drawing the riders it needs to maintain a viable race series.  That's sad because it really is a fun form of racing.

MTB?

The next weekend I convinced Big Jim to accompany me to Munson so I could ride off road for the first time since the crash.  The MTB felt more comfortable than the road bike had the weekend before and I wasn't quite as skittish.  I've never been very good at turning and today was even worse.  All the trees looked close to the trail and I was a little paranoid at first.  That soon melted away and I started to get the feel for the bike again.  It felt like I was riding Munson for the first time.  So smooth and flowing.  

We had both had enough after about an hour.  I couldn't believe I was tired so soon!  Unlike the road bike my whole body was feeling it.  Mass quantities of Dos Equis and fajitas post ride proved to be the perfect recovery meal.

Now What?

So it looks like I'm back.  No fitness, but a strong desire to ride.  Walking is still a mess, both painful,and with a limp.  Doc says this will go away as the bone heals so we'll see.  The Lovely Wife will not allow me to ride alone so finding riding partners who are willing to go as slow as I am currently going can be a challenge.

I still have memories of hitting the ground and the aftermath of that September 29th crash.  I never knew what it was like to be helpless and in pain before that.  But I can't go forward if I keep replaying that day.  Life's too short to be afraid.  A little fear is healthy but too much can cripple you.  I've talked to others who have had much worse trauma that I and have fought back.

I guess the scariest thing I take with me from this is........ I'm normal.  In the back of my mind I knew something like this could happen but I had been so careful and so prepared.   It had me thinking I was just a little bit better than all those people who go to hospitals on a regular basis.  But nope, no matter how prepared or just plain lucky you've been, you can still get bit.  After all, I was just riding my bike.

Doctor, Doctor, Gimmie the News!

After wondering if everything was healing as it should.  Wondering if the pain and swelling was normal.  Wondering if I should be walking without a cane.  Wondering if I was ever going to be normal again.  I went to see the surgeon who put me back together.

And it turns out everything's hunky dory.  Insert big sigh of relief here.  They (the medical profession) could really save folks some worry if they'd just let you know what to expect.  He says I'm ahead of the curve and all is proceeding according to schedule, and for me to relax and not get in a big rush.  Doing more will not make it heal any faster.  But damn I ready to be done with this!

Some things I've learned:

Every time you lean a cane or crutch up against something it will fall down.
A muscle relaxer and a glass of wine will make you sleep like a baby.
It takes twice as many trips from the kitchen to set the table if you only have one hand.
Some people want to hear all the details of the crash, others it just freaks out.
You can only watch so much TV.
I am just starting to miss doing yard work.
I can resist the urge to bonk people with my cane who say "maybe now you'll grow up".
There are a lot of folks with much larger issues than I have.
Bad stuff just happens, I know that's scary, but it just does.
Physical Therapy will hurt that night and into the next day.
I would be a complete wreck without The Lovely Wife to take care of me.

And that's just the surface.  I won't go into all the kumba ya stuff.

What I Miss:

A day with no pain.

Walking without an aid.

Running

Yard work

A good nights sleep.

My gym work outs.

Being able to go where I want.

And last but not least RIDING MY BIKE!

For Right Now

Anyhoo, I am making progress.  It's just going very slow.  People tell me "it's only a blip, you won't remember this in 5 years".  I just don't know about that.  The Doc says 5 months until I'm basically pain free.  A year to get my fitness back.  I had hoped to be able to race the Georgia XC Series in March, but now, I'm just not so sure.  I do know that my dream of being able to race CX in my 80's is starting to look dimmer.

I can ride the trainer for over an hour, getting my HR into zone 5 sometimes.  I still have issues with sitting in the saddle that long but hey, I had that problem before I got hurt.  I have started to look longingly at my CX bike while riding the trainer and dreaming of long clay road rides.  I suppose I should start out riding on the road though.  It would be smoother and I will be used to the road bike by the time I can get it off the trainer.  We'll see.